by Stefanie Guffey

I frequently think of the song from Rent “Seasons of Love.”The lyrics question, “How do you measure a year in the life?” The lyrics go on to suggest, “In daylights, in sunsets/ In midnights, in cups of coffee/ In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.” The song is catchy and I have always loved it, but I never really thought about how I measure a year. As a teacher I measure a year in courses, units, student achievement, and of course by summer break; however, as an Army wife I have a much different measuring stick. A year in military terms is measured depending on where my spouse is that year. If he is deployed overseas, then I measure the year by phone calls and missed milestones, which pass by at a snail’s pace. When he is home, I measure a year by priceless moments and memories that I will treasure forever that seem to fly by.

Dan returned home from Afghanistan roughly 11 months ago. Our time together has been amazing. We moved across the country from Fort Carson, Colorado to the Washington D.C. metro area. Dan left for two months to train in Texas, but he was home in time for the holidays. We are both in new jobs and enjoying our new surroundings. Of course we miss the place we grew to call home in Colorado, but the D.C. area brings the promise of more time together. For the first time in his military career Dan is working in a non-deployable position. We know that he will be stabilized in the U.S. for two years this time around. That makes our time together even more special because we aren’t preparing and going through the pre-deployment process. We are getting a taste of the civilian life.

When Dan returns home from an overseas assignment, like he did last year, the military gives us the opportunity to become newlyweds all over again. I love that feeling of butterflies and excitement; our love becomes renewed. However, we also have to renegotiate our roles in our household. This isn’t always easy, but Dan is certainly worth it. We relearn each other’s quirks and nuances, and we fall in love again. Going through this process for a third time can be exhausting, but how many people actually have the opportunity to fall in love with their spouse all over again? Dating my husband is truly exciting. I am so thankful to have him home.

This last year certainly hasn’t been measured by strife, or disappointment like years in the past. I have measured this last year by the smiles I have seen on my husband’s face. Nothing gives me more joy than seeing the ends of his mouth curl up and a smile emerge. I am sure this action doesn’t occur much when he is deployed, so seeing his outward sign of happiness truly fills me with joy. I am looking forward to the next year with Dan home, and I have a feeling this year will bring surprises that will be measured in a way we are unfamiliar with and excited to experience. It has been a fantastic year in the life!

Last Mile

March 2010 - Mountain Warrior Strong - I have been married for almost four years. However, I have only spent a year and a half with my husband. I required no pity, and no tears need be shed, for my mind and body are Mountain Warrior Strong, and I have one person to thank for that: Patty George. Patty is the greatest source of inspiration I have ever encountered. She is the wife of the 4/4 commander, Col. Randy George, and as the direction of our soldiers’ lives have been forever altered by war, she has altered the direction of the lives of the spouses waiting for their return.

Instead of allowing us to wallow in self pity and mope around our homes, Patty has driven us to become stronger, better women. How? She challenged us to climb. She said, “We needed a challenging goal to set our sights upon. We needed this goal to bring us together, to offer us a focus and a place to put our nervous energies, but we also needed this goal to help us feel a sense of kinship with our soldier fighting in Afghanistan. Our goal was right in front of us; we looked at it every day we lived in Colorado Springs and it was an absolutely perfect way to support our soldiers. We challenged ourselves to climb Pikes Peak."

Thirty-seven of us were motivated by Patty and her challenge and we took to the Peak. We climbed the thirteen miles to reach the summit at 14,110 feet. In addition, we raised $9,078 for Traumatic Brain Injury and Awareness. One Saturday, when any of us would have been lounging around, we took the challenge instead and climbed. Patty gave me a gift that day, the gift of victory. No one can ever take that climb away from me. I climbed Pikes Peak, and I have never been so proud of myself. When we reached the top, we thought it was the end of our journey, and the beginning the rest of the deployment. Little did we know, she had so much more in store.

A week after climbing Pikes Peak, Patty announced her next challenge to the spouses of the Mountain Warriors: the Denver Marathon. With this, my heart sank. I have never been a runner, and it certainly didn’t sound appealing. However, Patty persuaded the others and me to once again march through the pain in support of our husbands. A marathon or half-marathon is nothing compared to what the men and women of the military endure on a daily basis.

Before the training began, Patty decided to take us on a group tour of Cheyenne Mountain Air Force Base, more commonly known as NORAD. Deep within the mountain, we learned more about our military and how the military supports other countries while protecting our own. Not only did Patty want us to be physically in shape, she wanted to expand our knowledge as well, which is the mark of a fantastic leader.

Our marathon training kicked off, because we were to participate in the first division run ever held at Fort Carson. I cannot pretend to know how many soldiers ran in it, but I know how many spouses ran: twelve. I also know how many spouses fell out: zero. We ran for our husbands. 4/4 had very little representation the day of the brigade run because the brigade is currently deployed to Afghanistan. There were soldiers from other brigades all around, dressed in their PT’s (Physical Training Uniform). We stood out like sore thumbs in our bright yellow Rosie the Riveter shirts. All around us soldiers fell out and didn’t complete the four miles. I felt a sense of pride as I finished the run with the eleven other women I started with.

As we continue to train for this challenge, I have noticed changes in my mind and body. I have more self confidence than I have ever had and I know now that if I put my mind to something, I can succeed. My body is in the best shape it has ever been and I owe this all to Patty. Without her leadership and her dedication to the spouses of 4/4, I wouldn’t have achieved these wonderful things.

I have never met a commander’s wife who was so hands-on. Patty knows what she wants for the spouses of 4/4: she wants us to be Mountain Warrior Strong, and she has stopped at nothing to see this happen. As the deployment draws to an end, I consider myself blessed to have been in the presence of greatness. I am sure Patty will continue to be an inspiration to me, and to all the lives she encounters.

 

Dec. 2009 - Midtour Leave - The tears have been pouring down my eyes for about a week now. These aren’t tears of sadness, but tears of anticipation (if there is such a thing). My husband should be home for his midtour leave in just under two weeks. I don’t completely understand why I become so emotional leading up to this point. Last deployment, Dan came home for his midtour leave after nine months. I cried the whole day leading up to his coming home, and didn’t stop until he was in my arms. I guess more than anything the tears are a sign of emotional relief. When I see his face as he walks off the airplane, I just feel this unbelievable sense of relief. We have been planning these two weeks since he left six months ago. There is so much pressure on me to make sure the two weeks are enjoyable. I have been cleaning like a madwoman. I have scrubbed the walls, baseboards, floors, counters, etc. He is still roughly two weeks out, so I will have to do this all again, and he probably won’t notice that the house is clean. Time has ceased to progress. I feel as though I am losing my mind! I swear Dan’s return has been two weeks out - for the last month. I have been dreaming about my husband every night. I cannot wait until he is here! I am so incredibly excited!

The Scary Reality of my World - I recently attended our first brigade memorial. We honored three soldiers, with their loved ones present. I frequently wonder if anyone outside the military understands this part of my life. I have been to more memorials and funerals than my 90-year-old grandmother. I haven’t known all of the soldiers personally, but I don’t think that is required to honor their service to this country and to honor their lives. I attended this memorial with several spouses who had never been to one before. I ran down what to expect and how the ceremony proceeds. I gave them pointers to deal with emotions, such as take deep breaths, or if you can’t control your tears, bite the inside of your cheek. I had to take many deep breaths at this memorial. As a military spouse I sit in the pew and think, “Oh God, this situation could be reversed.” We all do that. We all think, “What if it were my husband?” I know it is a horrible thought. It is also unavoidable.

After the memorial I moped around all day. A friend asked me, “Aren’t you desensitized to these things yet?” How could someone suggest that? Isn’t that truly
disgusting? There are people out there who no longer are moved by the loss of human life and sacrifice. I think of the soldiers we memorialized the other day. One was expecting his fourth child, who just happened to be his first girl. She will never get to be daddy’s little girl. How could that not move someone to tears? His wife has to deliver and raise this child without her husband. I will struggle with these memorials forever, but I will attend them all. The Army is our life, and the memorials are a facet of this crazy world in which we live.

Nov. 2009- Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Decision time has come, and this could be the biggest decision of Dan’s life. His obligation to the Army will be complete when he returns from Afghanistan, and we must choose whether or not to make a further commitment to the military. As his wife, I respect his wishes 100 percent, but this is not as simple as leaving one job for another; this is leaving life as we know it for the civilian world. The Army has provided us with not only an income, but with a way of living. The best friends I have ever made have been other army wives. They have seen me in my darkest hours and still love me. Together, we have watched and helped other friends deal with the fear that they may never see their husbands again. Experiencing these high levels of stress together has made these bonds unbreakable.

On the other side, I hate being away from my husband. When he returns next summer, we will celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary; however, we will have spent only 20 months of those 48 months together. The 28 months apart are months that we cannot get back; they are lost forever. How does one decide? Do we want to leave the safety and comfort that the Army provides? Can we possibly risk being separated again? I fear that we might make the wrong decision and then be stuck with that decision for the rest of our lives.